under pressure

Let’s face facts. Women are judged by the way they look. Guys by how they perform, like how much money they make. There are no Men’s magazines showing pictures of women getting college degrees: “Look at this girl, she’s a thinker.” Contrarily, Women’s magazines are not filled with men in thongs. You never hear about a television Oscar special about the fashion secrets of actors and the tuxes they wear. “Mister Hanks, you look fabulous in black, is there any truth to the rumor you changed designers?”

Men are under pressure to achieve and women must look good.

I have been a male most of my life, and I can tell you that keeping up with other men’s performance records has not led to any level of security or contentment.

It’s in your face all the time. There are entire sections in the newspaper to remind you just how small or inept you are. Even the worst player in baseball hitting below 200 is far better than anything I have come close to or ever will. He made it to the majors and I’m showing up for an occasional pickup hoops game and hoping not to get picked last. And thank the lord they don’t show my stats for 2 ½ half court games (I’m usually out of breath in the middle of the second), because (if there was a ref) I would foul out on a regular basis.

In the financial section, I am reminded of how many others have so much more than I ever will and how they intend to keep the pile of cash growing. The men with the most attention are Warren Buffet and Bill Gates, so these two are certainly evidence that looks don’t lead to success.

Then I see geeks like Flava Flav getting four seasons of hot chicks fighting over this dude! On his other reality show, “The Surreal Life,” he was having sex with Brigitte Neilson. Sylvestor Stallone felt her attractive enough to leave his long term wife for the six foot Dane, and now here comes this 50 yr old Erkel with a giant clock around his neck to seduce this former beauty queen. When Flava and Brigitte cuddled in the surreal hot tub, they looked like a semi colon, proving once again that a man’s appearance is not his road to success.

On the flip side, look what happens when a woman who focuses her energy on face and body and then learns that it can all fade. You end up in Celebrity Rehab on VH1.

So, who has it better, the man or the woman?

When I was in 5^th grade I remember thinking how much easier it was for a girl because she could go out with any guy she wanted with a tiny flirtation, but a boy has to work up the guts to ask her to go steady. It didn’t get to the point of contemplating a sex change, but I did not enjoy those painful pre pubescent years. Hell, I have always had a tough time getting the guts up to hit on a girl and the fear exists till this day. Damn you Mary Fran Cardamone for shooting me down in Miss Wasson’s class! I’m ruined!

Once I had kids it made me approach life in a different way. I tend to teach my boys through actions. One action that I try to stress in myself and others is to look inside before anything. Internal happiness is where the answer lies and no amount of outside praise or first place finishes will suffice when it comes to inner peace. If we judge ourselves as others do, we are screwed!

There is no cap on success, therefore little happiness can be found with the finish line always moving.

I’m now going to call Mary Fran and thank her for shooting down my request to be my steady and take an I.O.U on the bracelet. If she would have said “yes,” I would not have worked so hard to find the answers to my own happiness!