Banana Split
Had a memory the other day about my childhood. I ordered a banana split at my local Baskin Robbins and thought of my first taste of this sumptuous treat, a day long before I considered it a decadent departure from my food plan. A time when having a little dessert had no meaning, other than it makes you feel good. There was no “guilty” to the pleasure.
There was a TV show back in the day called “The Banana Splits,” whose memorable and energetic theme song surpassed anything carried out on the show. It was such a horrible program, a precursor to today’s Barney The Dinosaur or Teletubbies, with men running around in giant costumes that look like they were tailored from pieces found at a carpet remnants sale. After seeing the Splits program a few times, I actually lost my appetite for a banana split and switched my allegiance to sundaes.
Before the TV show, when I was digging on the actual ice cream treat, I used all my cash (“found” in my mom’s purse) to head down to our mid 70s version of Wal Mart – Woolworth’s Department Store.
This place had it all: Sporting goods (where I bought my first baseball glove), a toy section where I played with the merchandise (without ever buying) and a pet section filled with birds, rodents and reptiles.
The most fun I had was when I tried to teach the Mynah birds to say curse words. I repeated and repeated “shit” and “you’re a dick” each day I visited the caged squawkers, hoping that one day I would hear a bird cuss out a patron. I guess that would make the innocent passerby a “cuss”tomer?”
(In my life I have never written a pun, and that will be the last…)
I never did hear a mynah speak a single word. I will admit that I spent many days wasting my time with the wrong feathered friends, as I confused the verbal abilities of parakeets to those of parrots for the first few visits.
None of them ever did carry out my objectives, but I told my friends at school the birds were subjects to only my commands. I sent countless kids to the store to hear my birds yell at people, but when they did not deliver, I just explained it away that pets were being shy and needed to be prompted by a member of the John James Audubon member such as myself. They needed Dr. Doolittle.
I could hang out in the Five and Dime for hours, and did, often at the counter where you could order a beautifully crafted dessert from the lady with the large arms that had the shape of something I was studying in geometry class. Mass, density and volume, three chapters from our text book, all in one arm…
The best part about the counter was the balloons. Not that I am that into balloons, but these held more value than your standard ones. Inside of all the blown up balloons was a valuable piece of paper. If I chose the right one, they would take off the amount the note inside had written on it. It would have a number like “23,” meaning they took 23 cents off my total for a banana split.
I tried to cheat by peering through the balloon to see if the discount amount was visible, while keeping a third eye on the very suspicious Yam Arms. It was a personal goal to choose one that would keep my total under 50 cents, so I would have some money left over for baseball cards.
After picking one, the waitress popped it with a pin and looked at the tiny piece of paper. When she announced the total discount, the dessert tasted that much better with less cash outlay, like hitting the jackpot on the penny slots.
It was my first experience at gambling, and I haven’t stopped since!
ice cream for everyone!!!!
Wait a minute! Was the Banana Splits with the dog who was wearing sun glasses and had like puffy white hair and his tongue hanging out? or was that an afro that he had? I forgot....Holy Hannah! Wow! I was so scared, yet I think I watched it like watching a car wreck. Hey, what about the Sea Monsters...shoot...Sigmund and the Sea MOnsters!....yes! and the witch with the freagin flute that talked...Hello...can we say acid trip kids? GEEZ!
I had a vanilla shake for dinner tonight at The Red Robin because I was just at the orthodontist and they did this weird thing with my Invisalign where they sawed my teeth with this metal thingy and my teeth hurt so badly. My brother thinks that my getting Invisalign at age 37 is stupid when my teeth weren't that crooked. They're my teeth so blah!
Anyway, I mentioned this because my 10 year old son looked at me like, "Hey! No fair!" I told him he could have a vanilla milkshake after his dinner. Plus, I had to talk business with a loan officer over dinner...yuck! I'm looking for buying a house.
You sold for a great price tickets for my husband, and I to see the play, "Wicked." He thought musicals were for gay men until you popped up on your website with tickets and now he is so much more willing to go to plays with me now. Thank you so much!
This year has been a bummer for a lot of people! I had 3 surgeries within 2 days (I woke up from the 2nd surgery without feeling in both my legs and the 3rd surgery gave me back feeling in my left leg and feeling in most my right ... except for my right calf and big toe so I fall easily.) I have had 5 surgeries in the last 5 years now on my back (I was hit by a truck as a kid and was in a car accident 3 years ago, my mom was driving.) I am an elementary school teacher and it sucks to be away from the classroom. I was supposed to start with my own classroom last year, but now I am back to just a sub on medical leave...why am I telling you this? Oh yeah, laughter is the best medicine (I really hate presciption meds.) I'm really trying so hard to get my husband to take me to see you in June. The drive is tough on my back, but is worth the trip.
I played our favorite, "Love Master", from youtube.com while he was sleeping. It's his birthday today and he yelled at me at first (he has to work tomorrow); but then when he heard your ...you like bird watching?....swallow...bit (apologies if I messed up the words)...he cracked up. My husband has been really grumpy lately over my surgeries and being worried about me and everything. We don't even know if we can afford getting into a house anymore because the plan was I was supposed to be working, but after trying so hard to work through the pain...my back just stopped allowing me to walk. Then after the 2nd surgery and the drop foot (the no feeling in my right foot) things have really sucked. We really need to laugh.
Your assistant back when we got the tickets to "Wicked" was from Palm Desert...I hope you still have her...she was a nice young lady. I apologize for writing so much. It's late and well...you are funny. I think we told your assistant before, my husband courted me with a recording of "The Love Master." He worried that I thought it was too vulgar. When I cracked up and asked my husband to rewind and play it and rewind it and play it and then kept on quoting him as much as I could...we just knew that we were right for each other. This was over 13 years ago. "It's a speed bump babah...trip ovah the damn thing!" Thanks for years of laughter!
Kindly Yours,
Michelle Green
myshellin92@yahoo.com