Blogs
Faith
I got an email from an old friend one morning and this was my reply. He had sent me a prayerful blessing that same morning, which really started my day centered in bliss. Then another mass email came from the same friend, in which he was sending on a message from a man whom he deemed to be honest and credible, who had spoken out against health care and the Obama administration. It always puzzles me when people decide who or what is a credible source to bolster their particular point of view. We often empower perfect strangers to dictate how we live our lives.
Bra Salesman
Al was your textbook wheeler-dealer, always on to the next thing. Funny part is that he believed in every exploit, jumped in with both feet, wallet and all. Take, for instance, the time he sold “push-out bras” in people’s living rooms (think Amway meets Cross Your Heart).
He even conned my mother into hosting a breastwear party in her living room. And I, like any boy, hid under the stairs where I could see my dad “educating” this circle of women wearing nothing but push-up bras. Al smoked his pipe as he held court, truly in his element. The only rooster in the henhouse.
TIGER WOODS
I’d like to weigh in on the Tiger Woods press conference.
Never Plaid
I watched some golf last weekend, since my curiosity has been piqued by the Tiger Woods escapades and his subsequent hiatus from the tour.
Los Locos
I’ve got some comedy peers who are drawing large crowds. I’m always interested in hearing how a comic builds an audience because my pay is based on the amount of meat I put in the seats. A stand up can be knee-slapping funny, but unless it translates into ticket sales the only place the jokes will be told is at the dinner table.
Squeaky wheels
He who speaks loudest gets the most attention. It starts the moment a baby is born and continues throughout our lives, whether it is a poopy diaper or a political talk show host, attention is given to the one who screams. I should know, we have a newborn and I am quietly getting very little attention right now!
Bucket List
Took this and had way more then I expected. Gotta book some travel to fill in the rest.
The Bucket List. Place an 'X' by all the things you've done and remove the 'X' from the ones you have not. At the bottom of the list, add something you've done that's not already on the list. NO EXPLANATIONS! If someone asks you about something, then fine - explain away. Tag 20 friends (including me) and then publish.
To do this, go to 'notes' under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, do the list.
Things you have done during your lifetime:
Firsts
1. Who was your FIRST prom date?
Linda Scott. She made out with Ricky Altomare in the corner. She was my 13th ask.
2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
Yes. She married a wealthy guy and invites me over to their estate.
3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?
Weasel piss. 12 yrs old. A combo of about 14 different alcohols stolen from our parents + mixed together.
4. What was your FIRST job?
Cleanup guy at a restaurant.
5. What was your FIRST car?
October Admissions
I've fallen behind on my monthly admissions so I'm going to do 15 this month instead of 5. Don't forget to share your admissions w me!
1. I sniff my own farts as if they are a fine wine and I am analyzing the body and aroma, using my waving hand to beckon the gas closer to my nose.
2. I used to steal cashews from the local Acme Supermarket when I was a kid. It lasted for approximately 12 years. I even hollowed out a piece of the lining of a coat I had, specifically for my cashew heists. I committed many crimes in my youth, but I'll save those for an other expose.
Self Discovery
I just watched a popular show on the Discovery Channel called “Deadliest Catch.”
Yes, go ahead and heckle me. I know you’re thinking how old and unhip I am to land on television programming that is akin to my grandparents watching Mutual of Omaha’s “Wild Kingdom” back in the 70’s.
Look, I’m razzing myself right now, so save the comments and references to prune juice and adult diapers. I beat you to the punch and realize I’m probably a year away from tuning in to “Discovery Health.”
